


but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours

by queeranarchism



Category: Clone High
Genre: Bisexual JFK, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kind of a vent fic, Queer Characters, Suicidal Thoughts, bi cleo, everything is lowercase bc i'm gay, he is mentioned tho, i just think that bi jfk <3, i promise this will get happy, i'll add more tags as i add more chapters, jfk and joan are mlm and wlw solidarity, lesbian Joan, no abe bc fuck him, ponce is dead sorry :(, pre-prom episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27046738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queeranarchism/pseuds/queeranarchism
Summary: after cleo comes out as bisexual, joan realises she might have a chance with her. the only issue is abe is in her way and she doesn't know how to get cleo to fall for her
Relationships: Cleopatra/Abraham Lincoln (Clone High), Cleopatra/Joan of Arc (Clone High), JFK & Joan of Arc (Clone High), jfk and joan of arc but it's platonic
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for descriptions of self-harm and mentions of suicidal thoughts/tendencies
> 
> this is kind of a vent fic but also kinda not
> 
> i will try to not abandon this, i promise. i also haven't written fanfic since 2016 (when i was in middle school) so pls be nice to me. everything is lowercase bc i'm gay and hate caps so you're just gonna have to deal with it

joan felt like a girl in a shitty romcom movie. maybe it was because prom was coming up. maybe it was because she was no longer the only queer person in her friend group. both jfk and cleo had come out as bisexual a few days ago. joan wasn’t surprised when jfk came out because she had become his confidant in all things sexuality. they had become mlm and wlw solidarity. cleo coming out however, was out of left field.

it wasn’t obvious but joan had a massive crush on cleo. this was only exacerbated when she had to move into cleo’s house. she didn’t know when her hate for cleo had turned into love and she didn’t really want to think about it. joan was pulled out of her thoughts by jfk.

“what do you think about my, er-uh, plan, joan?” jfk asked.

“yeah, yeah. sounds good,” she replied, not wanting to admit that she was thinking about cleo instead of listening to him.

“so, is there anyone you’re thinking of taking to the, er, prom?” jfk asked.

“not really. i don’t even think i’m going to go,” joan answered. 

“there’s no girl you have an eye on?” jfk questioned.

“not any that’s single or even interested in me,” she said, looking dejected.

joan knew that there was no chance cleo would ever go with her. not only was cleo with abe but it was the early 2000’s; people weren’t all that accepting of queer people.

“i’ll see you later, jfk,” joan said, getting up from the table rather quickly

“are you, er-uh, okay, joan?” jfk asked.

joan smiled a small sad smile, “yeah. shit’s just kinda rough right now. i’ll be okay.”

before jfk could ask anything else, joan got up and walked out of the library. she must not have been paying attention because she ran right into the one person she didn’t want to see that day - cleo. before cleo could see joan’s bright red face or say anything to ruin joan’s day even more, joan got up and ran. 

once joan got home, she went right to her and cleo’s shared room, ignoring toots and cleo’s foster mom. joan felt so fucking stupid. she was the complete opposite of the real joan of arc. she hadn’t heard the voices, wasn’t even catholic, and was a lesbian. she felt like such a fraud. before she could even realise what was happening, she felt tears running down her face. she couldn’t believe she was crying over cleopatra of all people. joan reached for her phone. she didn’t even realising she was dialing jfk’s number until she heard his voice on the other end.

“hey, joan. what’s up?” jfk greeted joyfully

joan grimaced at jfk’s joyful voice. she realised she didn’t want to bother him with her self-loathing bullshit and hung up. she knew jfk was going to worry especially because she had told him about her struggle with depression and suicidal tendencies a few months ago, before she could think about it anymore, she felt herself getting tired and surrendered herself to the warm embrace of sleep.

joan woke up to tapping on her bedroom window. she sighed before opening up the window, knowing it was jfk tapping on it before she even saw him. they both sat on her bed.

“i’m fine, jfk. you really didn’t need to come all the way over here,” joan said exasperated

“i was, er-uh, worried about you, joan,” jfk said, his voice sounding shaky

“i know. it’s just stupid bullshit that really doesn’t matter. you know?” joan said, her voice very monotone

“it must matter. you, er-uh, seem really bothered by it. i want to be here for you because, er-uh, you were here for me,” jfk replied sounding sincere

joan sighed, she really didn’t want to tell jfk about cleo. she knew he would understand even though cleo was his ex. it wasn’t that joan was worried that jfk would be upset with her liking cleo. she knew that jfk had his eye on someone. he wouldn’t tell her who but she had her suspicions. her issues felt so juvenile; no one gets this upset over a crush. 

joan just shrugged her shoulders. jfk took that as a sign that she really didn’t want to talk about it. joan felt herself start to cry again, jfk grabbed her and pulled her into his chest. they sat in silence with joan sobbing into jfk’s chest and jfk rubbing her back and reassuring her. they stayed this way until joan calmed down.

“i’m sorry for crying all over your shirt,” joan said sniffling

“it’s okay. it, uh-er, really doesn’t matter to me,” jfk said with a smile

they sat in comfortable silence for a while. eventually, jfk got up to go. joan reached out her arm.

“please don’t go. stay?” joan said her voice laced with desperation.

“yeah, yeah. i’ll, er-uh, stay with you,” jfk said sitting back down with her.

joan felt pathetic begging jfk to stay with her but she knew he was the best person to keep her grounded right now. if he left, joan was worried about what she might do. unconsciously, she felt her arm, running her hand over it. feeling where she had taken her anger out on herself and the world for years and years. she could vividly remember holding the cold metal in her hand, seeing the contrast of her crimson blood against her snow white skin. she didn’t want to go back to that but every day it felt more and more likely. jfk was her rock. she knew that she couldn’t rely on him for her mental health. they just had a mutual understanding of what shitty mental health was. joan had been there for jfk when ponce died and the agonising months afterwards. she was there for him when he realised that he was bi. he had been there for joan on especially bad days. he was there for her when she felt like she had nothing to live for. 

they sat together talking for another hour. joan eventually felt calm enough and left jfk leave. he left with a quick hug and then went out the window the same way he came in. joan, exhausted from all of the crying she had done, fell right asleep. the best choice she could have made considering cleo came home and into their shared room only a ten minutes later.

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter should hopefully be out in a week. i kind of have a plan for this but kinda not so it might be messy. i don't like outlining my writing. 
> 
> follow me on twitter: @G0THICB4BE


End file.
